Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
