Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You took a bar mat shot.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
