Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
