I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
