the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
