Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You are the jesus of drinking
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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