he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
