i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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