dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
