pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
