My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
