haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
