no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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