Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
