If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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