yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize