you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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