I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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