my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
