the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
