where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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