i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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