I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
