yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
