I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
