I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
