Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
