and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize