I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
