Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
