My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize