Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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