She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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