you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
