i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
