I'm gonna have a badass scar
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
