Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
