peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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