you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
