My hand turned me down
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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