I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize