I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
