Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
