just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
