first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
