and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
