This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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