i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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