Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
