I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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