She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
