Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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