Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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