you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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