I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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