why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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