I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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