We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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