i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
