I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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