How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
