BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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