Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
