I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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