Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
