you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
