there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
