Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
