wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
