in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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