I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
