The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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